Polyamory 101!

 Hey everyone! If you've listened to the first podcast episode, THANK YOU sooooo much! 

If you have not, that's okay too! 

I will be covering the basic information of Polyamory in this post (and in the first season of the podcast), and answering some commonly asked questions at the same time. 

So what is polyamory? 

According to the great source of Wikipedia:

Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the informed consent of all partners involved. 

The most important thing you need to note is the last bit of the definition -

 "with the informed consent of all partners involved". 

If some dude says he has 3 girlfriends, and you ask the obvious question of:

"Do they all know about eachother?" and they respond : "oh hell no!" Then THAT my friends, 

is a CHEATER! 

NOT a true polyam person! 

*Cheaters love wearing the disguise of being polyam, because they think it gives them an 

excuse to lie and manipulate to get their way, instead of communicating their needs like 

an adult. 

People who identify as polyamorous may believe in open relationships with a conscious management of jealousy; and reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are prerequisites for deep, committed, long-term, loving relationships. Others prefer to restrict their sexual activity to only members of a group, a closed polyamorous relationship which is usually referred to as polyfidelity. 

Examples of polyfidelity include : Triads, Quads, or any sized "polycule" that considers themselves a "closed" group of people. This means they do not date outside of their group. 

Triads= throuples/three individuals

Quads= can be 4 individuals/2 couples combined

A Polycule (as mentioned above)- is a connected network of people in non-monogamous relationships. 

Using my polycule as an example below:

As you can see, the double arrows signify a marriage, a single arrow shows a separate relationship from the marriage, and the dotted arrows are to represent close relationships that MAY or MAY NOT include sexual relations (without an established label as a partner). AKA friends with benefits, as you're probably used to hearing. I will state again, these can be close and intimate relationships with no sex or romance involved. 

There are also other types of poly lifestyles, such as hierarchy, solo-poly and relationship anarchy. 

Hierarchical polyamory is a fancy way of saying that one relationship ranks higher in importance than the other relationships in the polycule, and certain partners will rank higher than other partners in the polycule. This can easily cause conflict within the polycule if others are not aware of this, and it wrong to withhold your polyam-dating style from someone before "getting serious" with another person. Open communication, honesty and understanding is the only way you can successfully pull off this style of polyamory (in my personal opinion). I've seen horrible damage done to peoples relationships, and lots of heartbreak when someone has more importance/control over another partners relationships. This is a topic I will cover later in the series! May also include a few interviews ;) !

Solo Poly means someone has multiple intimate relationships with people, but has an independent or single lifestyle. They may not live with partners, share finances, have children or have a desire to reach traditional relationship milestones.

Relationship anarchy is a way of approaching relationships that rejects any rules and expectations other than the ones the involved people agree on. They choose how to cultivate their own commitments in their relationships, and this typically does not include a hierarchy dynamic. If you want to know more, please click the link attached to the word above. 

Polyamory has became an umbrella term for a multitude of different relationship styles and dynamics. There is no "right" way to do polyamory, but there certainly are wrong ways.

 Not practicing open communication, not providing honesty, expecting someone to fall in love with two different people at the same time for the sake of having a triad, or as an experiment to fix your marriage/relationship to each other, using polyamory as a cover for really seeking a monogamous relationship (playing the field with no intention of remaining polyamorous) are all examples of UNETHICAL behavior in polyamory. 

The most common thing we see in the poly community is a term called Unicorn Hunting- this is when an established relationship (typically) consisting of a man and woman-wish to find a female/male partner to "share". Okay, hear me out here... Because I can't tell you how many profiles I see on Tinder looking for a unicorn. I will say this once:

IT IS ABSOLUTELY UNETHICAL TO -EXPECT- ONE PERSON TO FALL IN LOVE WITH TWO PEOPLE ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP!! 

And on top of that, I see the majority of them have the AUDACITY to say "We want a unicorn to date both of us, and only us" aka, they want to cut off a person's right to explore other intimate relationships. THAT IS NOT OKAY! I will NEVER advocate for unicorn hunters. 

I am not dissing healthy and ENM (ethically non-monogamous) triads. If you are lucky enough to meet someone that ends up falling in love with both individuals in an established relationship, GOOD FOR YOU! I'm happy for you, and things like that need to happen organically. It's totally cool to close your triad-so long as everyone agrees to it- It cannot be forced. 

Please listen to the podcast for the special Q&A section!! 

I appreciate you taking the time to listen and read my content. 

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